Yolanda's Story

I grew up in a home where there was some physical violence and when I got married, as much as I told myself that I would never be with someone that treated me that way.  You never know, till you are in the middle of it.

I was married for 6 years and for 4 years of that time I suffered physical, mental, and  emotional abuse.  One of the hardest things for me was the shame.  I didn't want anyone to know.  I was ashamed number one that maybe it was my fault.  Maybe if I quit getting mad about this, and that, and if I agree with him more, if, if, if.  I was also ashamed for my family to know that this person that I was so in love with, that I looked up to, that I built up so much was not the man that I thought.

For me the hardest thing was getting over that shame.  For my lack of good judgement, for not listening and paying attention to those red flags.  I was very green to Alcohol abuse, I knew nothing about it.  I took it for 4 years because like most women I thought I could change him.  I kept telling myself that he loved me enough to quit.

It took the birth of my daughter to get me to wake up.  The abuse by then was so severe that he broke my cheek bone, etc, etc.  I was up in Alaska totally on my own, my family was in CA and didn't know what was going on.  I left him on a Feb night in the middle of a blizzard, me my baby, her diaper bag and my purse.

I never looked back and I thank him for the lessons he taught me of trusting my feelings, my gut as they say.  I thank him for helping me to find out who I am and the strength that I know now that I have.  I have been single for over 20 years and I am sooooo happy with my life. Doesn't mean I don't have someone special in my life, and this is my choice. This is something we can all do is be happy.  Don't ever settle for less.

Namaste,

Yolanda

We sang our song this weekend and talked about The Color of Hope project. People came up to us and told us that they really like the song, the idea of the project etc. A few even cried while telling us their stories. This is the best reaction that we have had from teens, too. One man, a pastor of a local church in Houston, told us that Christian people should be doing more things like this....and he cried.
We are blessed to be a part...thank you.

Abigail's Story

I am now almost 20 years old. I grew up in a faith based church. I am a second generation Christian. I have a strong Christian family, with loving parents, and a wonderful younger brother who I am very close with. When I entered my public high school, I chased after the Lord, wanting nothing but to live my life for him. Yet something happened when I started dating Thomas.

He was two years older than me. He was also the son of my youth leader. He grew up without a father in his life, and struggled a lot with feelings of anger and abandonment. I knew all of these things very well, but have always had such a mercy heart. To this day, I do not know why I didn't listen to the wise counsel of my family and friends. I think that I thought I could save him.

It was three months into the relationship that I knew deep down in my heart that something was wrong. The emotional abuse is what I saw originally. The way he could manipulate me was amazing. He was a brilliant talker. He was my first boyfriend, so I seemed to think that it was all normal.

After about three months, was when the verbal abuse began. By this point, I was so brain washed that I thought I deserved what I got. The more the lies were poured over me, the I more I believed that it was true. All of the horrible names, all the horrible descriptions of who I was. My character was smashed. I wasn't eating. I wasn't seeing my family. I was so isolated. That fall I moved into my dorm room at a lovely, private liberal arts college. I wouldn't listen to anyone about how I needed to leave him. I was so convinced that everything that was wrong with the relationship was my problem. That as long as I tried a little harder, if I could fix all the things that he said were wrong with me, that Thomas and I would be fine.

Then the physical abuse started. The twisting of my wrist, the smack across my face, the shove to the ground, the hand around my neck. I was so weak. I weighed in at 90 lbs at this point. My fear, my anxiety level was sky rocketing. I couldn't keep anything together. I felt so small, so vulnerable.

Just a month after I moved into College, my parents withdrew me. They had no idea how horrible it all was, but they knew something was terribly wrong. It took two months after that for Thomas and I to completely lose contact. I changed my phone number and talked to the police. The longer I was away from him, the more I really saw what had happened. And that is when all of the healing had to start. I started seeing a counselor, and even at this point, almost two years later, I see her about once a month. Jesus Christ brought me through all of it a lot stronger. I was so angry for a while, not understanding why God let it all happen to me. And I still don't know. I know it was my own mistake to not listen to the wisdom of my gut, and the wisdom of my leaders, to not have started that relationship with him.

I do not know what Thomas is doing now. But I know that though I will never be the same, I am stronger. I want to speak out against abuse, to educate leaders in churches about the causes, the signs, and how to prevent it from happening to youth, to adults, to ANYONE. I want people to realize that it isn't RARE, that it isn't something that only happens with the addicted, the poverty struck. That it happens in churches. Just because someone may claim to love Jesus, we are all fallen. Thomas was a Christian, but he was messed up all the same. I am a Christian young woman, but the powers of an abusive relationship are deep. They are intense, and they are terrifying. Being an abused young woman is something that will be with you for the rest of your life. It is baggage that I will take with me into my marriage, and into my future relationships with any man. Yet the Lord's love is massive, and his healing power is radical. He has brought me so far. And it has been a very long road that has been painful, yet all the same, it has been through.

For all the abused women reading this. Maybe you are currently in an abusive relationship, maybe you are healing from one. Either way, STAY AWAY from your abuser. I know that it's probably one of the hardest thing you could do right now. They are intoxicating. They are like quick sand. One toe dangled in there, one measly phone conversation, and you are back to square one. CUT IT OFF. It's the only way you can come out of that fog he has put in your brain. And most of all, CRY OUT TO GOD. He and the other abused women of the world are the only ones who will really understand.

J.'s Story

I grew up witnessing domestic abuse. My mum would get beaten by my father. When she wasn't there he wood turn to me and my brothers. I used to sit in my room and hear them fighting then I'd hear my mum scream and I'd know he'd have hit her. To be honest, at the age I was at, I actually thought it was normal. I thought that many families where like this but now when I think about it I was in denial because I never mentioned it to my friends or teachers. I can't remember the first time he hit me but I can remember the times he did. He used to get angry and kick me hard or grab me by the hair. Afterwards he'd say sorry and tell me he wouldn't have to if I just did what I was told, so I used to think that every kid got told off this way. My older brother would get it worse than me and my mum faced the most hell but even though I was always the last person he'd turn to, witnessing and hearing the pain my brothers and mum were experiencing hurt just as much as a kick in the stomach.

Finally when I was 8 years old my mum got rid of my dad, but it didn't stop him from causing trouble. He used to come round and corner my mum in the kitchen yelling abuse at her. By this time my little brother was born and I would run upstairs with him trying to tell him it'd be okay while my oldest brother would try and pull my dad off my mum. I remember one time when I was 12 my dad found out my mum had a boyfriend. He came round and called her a slut saying she was a cheating whore but they had been separated for years, yet my dad seemed to have it in his head that they would get back together. He grabbed her by the throat and yelled abuse. I really thought he was gonna kill her in fact if it wasn't for my oldest brother I think he would have.

There were also times when he'd cry in front of me, saying he wished he could come home and we could be a family again. He would say he hadn't done anything wrong which confused me because by that time I realised that he had done something so wrong and sinister. I'd tell my mum what he had said and how he'd cry, she said it was emotional black mail.

Nowadays things are better. My mum divorced my dad and he is going to classes to help him. There are times though when I go see him and he gets angry. He still scares me, and even if any man looks like he is gonna get angry I get scared. The last time my dad hurt me was last year when he said he'd pick us up from school I was a bit late so he left me. I didn't think I was that late so I called mum. She called dad and he came and got me but he was really angry - he chucked my mobile at me and it gave me a huge bruise on my hand which hurt when I wrote.

I'm now 13 years old and decided to find more about domestic abuse because it has not been long since I started to realise the horror I faced when I was young. Has it affected me? In ways yes. Last year I began self harming to get rid of the emotional pain I was going through. I felt I had no one to talk to. With help from my friends I am getting better but its a long road. It has helped me in one way though. Seeing what my mum went through has shown me to always be strong and I will never let a man hit me and if one does and he is my husband/boyfriend I won't give him a second chance, I'll leave. I know many women find it hard like my mum but if it happens to me I hope I can be strong enough so stop it.